Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
