My Higher Power is John Stamos
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
