i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
