I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
