I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
