Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
