Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
