There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
