I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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