Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
