I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
