Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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