you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
