dude i'm inner monologue high
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
