Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
