Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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