Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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