We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
