I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
