If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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