Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
