His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
