New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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