He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
