We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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