Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
