hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
