I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
