Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
