did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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