Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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