You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Randomize
