Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
