why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
