I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
