Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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