It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
ok first of all what the fuck
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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