The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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