If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
