We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
