My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
