Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
