Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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