Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
