He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
