the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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