My friends, they love my intelligence
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
