Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
