no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
