You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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