I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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