Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
