Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
