The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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