So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
