I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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