i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
