I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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