Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
