Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
