i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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