he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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