I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
