If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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