he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
