none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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