he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
