Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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