hotel room ftw
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
